Secret Choices

I like to read and have especially enjoyed books by Isobel Kuhn. She was a missionary and wife serving in China. One thing I struggle with during busy times is putting the Lord first in my day. Those are the times that I need Him the most so why is this such a struggle? Below is an excerpt from Kuhn’s book In the Arena. It is a rebuke and an encouragement to always choose the Lord first.

“This is the background of my platform of secret choices. It was the evening of the Junior-Senior party. I was a Junior and had been asked to lead the devotional with which all such parties closed. I was also on the programme as Grandma in a Dutch scene, off and on all through the banquet. The week before had been so full of work and study that I had not one moment to sit down and prepare a devotional. Work in the restaurant had delayed me, and I arrived at the supper half-hour, hungry, exhausted, and without any devotional prepared. Besides this, I still had half an hour due on my quiet time! After the party we Juniors had to clean up and I would not get to my room till midnight—the day would be gone.
Here was my platform of secret choices. That supper half-hour. (1) Should I go down and eat my supper? (2) Should I skip supper and try to prepare the devotional message? (3) Should I put God first and give that half-hour to Him? The supper bell rang, and my room-mate left for the dining room. I stood for a moment irresolute; then, throwing myself on my knees by my bedside I sobbed out in a whisper, ‘Oh Lord, I choose Thee!’ Then again, as I just lay in His presence too weary to form words, the sense of His presence filled the room. As before, the weariness and faintness all left me. I felt relaxed, refreshed, bathed in His love. And as I half knelt, half lay there, saying nothing, but just loving Him, drinking in His tenderness, He spoke to me. Quietly, but point by point, He outlined for me the devotional message I needed to close that evening’s programme. It was an unforgettable experience and an unforgettable lesson. Putting Him first always pays…
More than twenty years passed. I was home on furlough and visiting the Institute. It was the day of the Junior-Senior party and a group of us were reminiscing. ‘One Junior-Senior party always stands out in my memory,’ said one. ‘I forget who led it, but it was a Dutch scene and the devotional blessed my soul. I’ve never forgotten it.’ She had indicated the date, so I knew. I was thrilled through and through. Of course I did not spoil it by telling her who led that devotional. In God’s perfect workings, the instrument is forgotten. It is the blessing of Himself that is remembered.
This is how secret choices can become public. The choice and the struggle are not publicized—but the release of His resurrection power which comes to you on each platform is felt by others, and in that sense there is an audience. We may never know who this ‘audience’ might be, but we do know that He gives us far more than we deserve.”

—In the Arena, pg. 37

I can’t help but wonder what my choice would have been. What about you?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s